you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
