so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
