this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
