Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
