no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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