***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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