Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize