I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
