Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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