She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
