Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
