Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
