Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hippo gnu deer
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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