she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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