Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
