i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
