she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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