Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize
