My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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