Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
