Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
