I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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