He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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