I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize