i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
