i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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