At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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