I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
