I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My life is pants optional.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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