When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize