i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
