i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
