i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
