Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
