It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
