Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
