i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
