im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
