you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
