I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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