i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Thank you for not boning my boss.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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