Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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