I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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