He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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