Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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