is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
