After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
