I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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