woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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