my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
