dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
