What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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