I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
