Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
