my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
