the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
