Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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