New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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