Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
