Umm I'm too high to move.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
