i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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