just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
