I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
