my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
