His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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