I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
