I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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