Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
