apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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